We apologise to all our readers for editing this post on 23rd March, 2010. For our personal reasons, we felt the need to do so. Thank you for the encouragement and good wishes.
Post Valentine, and memories of the day, on which, Hoopoe slipped the ring onto my finger come flooding back to me.
It was January 11th,’09; I would be meeting Hoopoe after six whole months! While he was away, we went through a lot of ups and downs; minor issues were magnified, and the more hurting emotions just shoved away in silence. Communication was a problem, because as a policy of his company, he could write just about 450 characters per day which cost him a dollar! Speaking over the phone was terribly expensive, and a luxury which we indulged in every fortnight or every month, depending on the kind of voyage orders.
The heart wrenching feeling after a tiff was horrible and unexplainable. It felt better to ignore issues, because, that seemed more manageable as compared to ironing out our differences. I think this is the most painful process in any relationship. Drawing a line between confronting emotions and letting go is a mighty task! It indeed takes heroism to live a beautiful relationship! Allowing negative emotions and feelings fester, destroys the relationship on the long run, while confronting them is agonizingly painful. Dealing with such terrible agony associated with love is truly heroic!
Such were the kind of days we had when Hoopoe was away; nice, not nice and terrible ones! I had to keep in mind that he was away from family and needed to concentrate on his work, because not only his work would suffer, but, his life too was at greater risk. There were some nasty statements that passed between us and they mostly revolved around my health.
To be very honest, it is very difficult to recount the negative feelings and emotions, especially, the ones at which I still hurt and need healing! But, I am aware that expressing them is one way of attaining closure to these feelings.
Being in a wrecked emotional state and having Hoopoe sail through pirate waters a fortnight ago made me more like a person without emotions! I didn’t even know what I was feeling! All I knew is that I wanted to just crash into his arms and stay in that embrace forever; free from emotions, free from any sort of negative feelings… I just wanted love and simplicity in life..
The day dawned, I was anxiously awaiting his arrival; I saw him tugging at his huge suitcase from a distance and my heart was pounding! He was finally coming home to spend time with me after six months! I ran towards the door, held it open and saw him standing there, his eyes overflowing with love for me; I wanted to kiss him and cry to him, I wanted to know why did he make me wait so long for him, however, I could do no more than hugging him, cause I was surrounded with family who were equally ecstatic to have him over.
I was waiting to spend some precious moments alone with him, but, not a chance till noon.
Finally, when everyone was having their nap, we began unwinding up. I still vividly remember my love, just as a passing question asking me, “
If I had to propose to you, during this phase, how and where would you want it to be, a candle light dinner or a long night drive or a romantic place or a 5 star setting? What would you prefer?” And all I said was, “
Well, we are at such a stage that this seems passé, especially now; since I’m so much in love with you, I would feel like a Princess if you propose to me when we are spending some quiet moments of togetherness, especially at night.”(the most romantic part of the 24 hour cycle to me).
Well Well!! You must be wondering that I probably had butterflies in my stomach hearing what he said, but, that wasn’t the case, cause I always enjoyed teasing him, making him propose a billion times over to me with the most frilly and romantic words, and I would only approve of something that appealed to me the best! And believe me; I never tire of this stuff! I simply enjoy listening to the reasons as to why he wants to spend his life with me. It works wonders for me, especially, the way I feel about myself! So, to me, this was just part of such a stint and not to forget, that, I have been tired of telling him, that I needed a commitment ring (which in my dream world comes before an engagement ring), to me a symbol of commitment for life! We have had many issues over this subject too.
The evening passes off, had my friends over who were on their teasing mode, but, I am a one man’s army, the number of people trying to get at me, barely matters!
Evening passes into night. My family members have retired to sleep and I am preparing myself for a long night snooze. Hoopoe tells me that he wants to speak to me; we speak mainly about his family; after a while he holds my hand close to his chest and says, “
Baby, I need to tell you something, I know this will not sound good, since, I feel that you are already my wife, but, I need to ask you this question, and I really hope that you don’t mind.”
At this time, my heart sank because I thought, he would tell me something about his parents, and again, I would have to go through all the turmoil that I so detest, I felt exhausted, but, I knew I had to listen! I wished that our sweet little talk never ended and he didn’t have to say what he wanted to…… when suddenly, I hear the words, “
Will you marry me?” And there I feel a ring slipping onto my finger!!!!!!!!!!!!
My heart nearly stopped;
did I hear him correctly? Does he know what he is doing? Didn’t I make it clear to him that a ring on my finger indicates commitment for life and there is not turning back?…. Thousands of questions flooded my mind, and all I could say was “
Wait”.
I had to clear from my head all those questions before I could accept the ring which symbolized so much to me!
I asked him tons of them which seemed to go on for an eternity, “
Will you accept me as I am? Do you realize what are you getting into? Do you know maybe I will not improve? What if I just get worse? How will you manage? What about your parents......?”
After having clarified each and everything with him, I finally said “
Yes”, with my heart bouncing up and down, I fighting back tears, wondering how Blessed I am to be living this life!!!! Gosh! Everything seemed so BEAUTIFUL!
He asked, “
Can we get married right now?” I said, “
It won’t be correct, because, we neither have a community nor a priest to Bless our marriage”. That’s when he said, “
But, Jesus is right here with us, do you need anyone greater than Him?”. I said, “
No”.
He took off the ring from my finger and again began slipping it onto my finger with the words, “
I Hoopoe (we used our real names) take you Sweetness as my wife; I promise to be true to you and love you in good times and bad, sickness and health all the days of my life; I love you my Angel.” I took off the ring from my finger and slipped it onto Hoopoe’s little finger and pledged my vow in earnest to him.
Suddenly, bing, I just felt that I belonged to Hoopoe, totally and completely. I felt I could completely surrender myself to him physically, emotionally and every possible way; I had no more barriers in mind.
However, since I am the conservative types, not by dress or behaviour, but, definitely by values and principles, I haven’t been able to physically surrender myself to Hoopoe even to this date, cause Marriage to me is a very important sacrament, which I cannot and will not toy with. The urges to physically give in have been so strong, that I wonder why do I even need to hold back my physical expression of love?!?!?! He is the man I love and I chose him for eternity! However, Hoopoe too is very understanding, he tells me that he would be more than delighted, and infact, craves for that level of physical intimacy, but, he understands my feelings towards the same and respects it.
With the ring back onto my finger, I hugged Hoopoe as tightly as I could for sealing our commitment with each other, and then I broke down into some uncontrollable sob! Happiness, release of emotions, I don’t know what to call it, but, I was in Hoopoe’s arms feeling secure, loved and wanted….
Hoopoe, I need repetitions of such days my love.. I love you darling..
- Sweetness
