Pledging his love

Poem written by Hoopoe to me on 23rd October, 2007

I give you a piece of my heart
To remind you I'm here for you...
No matter if we are far apart,
Our love will always be true.

I give you a piece of my soul
A part of me reserved for you..
Hold it dearly and don't let it go,
No matter what you do!

Whether it's a bright and happy day,
Or you're troubled and struggling to smile...
Remember this special piece of my heart
That reaches you across the miles!

I will always be there for you!

- Hoopoe

Break Up

This was the mail written by Hoopoe to me on 27th August, 2007. A one of a kind of ‘break up’ that lasted for about 12 hours. Here it is. We had used our real names in the letter, however, for sake of anonymity, we have changed them while posting.

Good evening Sweetness,
Well baby, I was thinking about the conversation we had last night and woke up kept on wondering what had gone wrong and why did I become like this? I went back in time to the days when I met you and started liking you.

It’s a fact that I wanted you to be perfectly all right as soon as possible, and my heart and instincts always said that you would be okay.  I told you that I will go ahead with you as long as you keep working on your health. However, when I joined the ship, the news was not exactly what I expected it to be and the added pressure of your emotional state; started to question my faith and doubt on my instincts and heart. Doubting my heart was like doubting you because you lived in there.

Well, I still was okay, and still believed that you will become much better in another 2 yrs when I will be like 29 or 30. But, with my brother’s wedding at hand, I am under immense pressure to do the same; this was something I did not expect. Since I have come down, not a day has passed where I have not been told about or pressurized to look for a girl.

Now all of this has scared me, worried me and brought a change in me which in turn has put brakes on our relationship.

Baby, I faltered and I am ashamed of it. I also feel sad for what I have made you go through, even after knowing your emotional state.

Sweetness, I think we have to end our relationship, more for the reasons of my selfish benefit than anything else. It’s sad and hurting that I had to type this mail, but I just could not find words to say to you. My heart has stopped beating as I type these words. But like you said, “It’s not worth having a relationship, which has no trust and joy in it.”

Tears are flowing as I type this, I don’t think I can type anymore. I’m truly sorry Sweetness; I will pray to God that He help you to take this mail as comfortably as possible. Sweetness, I will always be your friend and will give my best that I can to support you.

Marriage is more about family than love I feel, probably God didn't want us together.

I hope I can muster courage to speak to you after this.

Bye
Love,
Hoopoe

Unsure Moments (Letters to each other)

We would like to share with you the letters that we exchanged on 23rd May, 2006, just three days after we met each other for the first time in person. Ofcourse, we had used our actual names in the letter, however, for sake of anonymity and our personal level of comfort, we have changed the names while posting in the blog.

This was what I wrote to Hoopoe:

Dear Hoopoe,
Don't know how to start off, but there is something that is disturbing me real badly, and I guess you need to know about it.
I kept discouraging you all the time before we met, saying that, when you meet me, you will realize the condition that I am in. But, I guess nothing changed, and I admire you for it. 
Hoopoe, you know the way I think and feel. You know that I have never felt love for any guy before. It maybe so, cause I have created a mental block in my head that I can't fall in love or get attached to a person, unless I get well.
You say that I speak endlessly to you and that is one of the sign of having a crush... Well, I can't contradict you, cause I am really unaware of that feeling. But, as per me, it’s the joy of having a wonderful friend whom I can speak to just about anything and that makes me really happy.
I know we both are not committed to each other and definitely have the freedom to go our own way, but I am aware about your feelings, especially, since you have made them known to me. But, I do wish that you keep them in check and, do not let them intensify further because, we do not know what the future holds for us. We have known each other for just a month. So, it will be much easier to curb these feelings right now. 
I know that this mail will hurt you real bad. However, the past two days, I am feeling very guilty, I feel I am encouraging you wrongly and I don't know how, so I finally decided to write a mail to you and let you know.  I am very very sorry if I have hurt you, but, I needed you to know how I feel.
I promise to be your good friend forever, just the way we are, but, I can't assure you more than that... I have literally spent sleepless nights, and I felt it's time I tell you.
Take care dear...
Love,
Sweetness

The following was Hoopoe’s reply to me:

Dearest Sweetness,
 I felt very nice that you were open about your thoughts. Well, I got to say a few things too darling, hope you understand it, else, I’ll talk to you about it...
1. I really like your concern towards me and my feelings, you are so un-selfish, I’m touched that you were only concerned about my feelings, not even giving a thought about yours..
2. Dear, the mail in no way has hurt me, but reinforced my respect towards you.  I like you; because you are very honest, and the one and only way that you can hurt me is by lying.
3. Darling, was it because I hugged you that you felt guilty of encouraging me? Please don’t think that way. I had a feeling that you were my doll.
4. I very well know that you will not commit to anyone till your health improves. I too not ready to commit to any one for another 2 years.
5. I will be your best friend forever; will never go beyond that atleast for the time being. What the future holds for us is for God to decide. We have time on our hands, let’s see what it does to our bonding, let it be time tested too.
6. Well darling, you don’t forget that you too are a human being, a girl. You too have ambitions, future visions, desires, goals etc. and you have been suppressing it for very long. Well, I really wish you don’t do that..
7.  You are a girl with a golden heart, a very rare find indeed. It’s just not possible not to love someone like you. So for now please sleep well. Don’t worry about anything for a few more years, and, if things are good; in time to come, I’ll kidnap and marry you. Well, if I cant do tat, I’ll always be there for you, as your best friend like I am now.
8. Well, before I end, I'm here all ears for you.  My mind totally belongs to you sweetheart and all my thoughts are yours because I’m sure, I can’t find a person more trustworthy than you.
Bye darling
Love you always
Hoopoe

How Hoopoe and I got Introduced?

Our love story can definitely be attributed to today’s technology. Had communication facilities not been made so freely available, I wonder if Hoopoe and I would have been able to build up on our relationship the way we did!

It was in 2006, a week after Easter, Hoopoe came to Mumbai to attend some courses and answer exams. It was then, that, he felt the need of making female friends; maybe just to spend time or probably even on the lookout for a life partner (Hoopoe shared with me, that, generally when a guy is single, he looks for a lady who can probably be his potential soul mate), so began Hoopoe’s hunt on Orkut (at that time, the most widely used friendship site in Mumbai). I received a friend request from him and so did many other girls.

Well, I was surprised to see a friend request, because, not only did I have just about four to five friends on my list, but also, my profile didn’t even have a photograph! I was new to Orkut, and was not quite sure about how it functioned, neither was I too keen on befriending anybody. Back then, my career was a major concern to me, especially, the time that I was losing out on because of my ill health. Nevertheless, I visited Hoopoe’s profile; the first thing I did was a check on his communities and his friend’s list, to know if he is a decent guy! I checked out his profile photo and felt that he was some 36 year old guy, who probably was on the lookout for friends!

He sent me a message thanking me for accepting the invite and I acknowledged the same. And guess what, Hoopoe responds to the reply with a Belated Easter wish. In two days, he was writing long emails to me; I will not forget this one statement in his very second mail which was such a turn off; I quote, “Any way I would love to chat with you.. you seem to be very Interesting Person.. (and believe me.. I have not called many ppl interesting).” Inspite of this idiotic statement, we begun chatting and he asked all about me. I told him about my health and was very sure that when he realises the difficulty, he will lose interest.

But, No!!!! This guy was different; he cared, he wanted to know each and everything associated with my ailment; what, when, how, everything!! He was empathetic, caring, had a sound knowledge and was interested! He wanted to speak with me! After two days of chat, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him(which is so unlike me)! On the very first phone call, he chose to sing an MLTR number, “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes, love is all around me and the feeling grows…” It was nice hearing him speak and sing, he sounded very nice over the phone, and the care was evident in his speech.

He was decent, caring, interested, an encyclopedia (his caring nature and knowledge made me fall for him). He could speak about anything; Astronomy, Physics, Anatomy, History, Technology… he was like a know it all.

Chats became long and went into the night, after the late night chats which would end about 12:00 or 1:00am, was the telephone conversations that would end at 3:00am to the longest one being from 2:00 to 5:30am. For one month, we literally lived with each other and technology helped us in being ‘virtual living mates’. Back then, I maintained a diary and I wrote about Hoopoe, not even 15 days had gone by since the time he sent me a friend request, but, I already felt I was in love. However, reality never leaves you, and I was aware that once Hoopoe met me in person, he would no longer want to continue being friends with me nor would want to keep it as pure and simple friendship.

We had not met each other, but, about three weeks after I accepted his friend request, Hoopoe told me that he felt he was having a 'crush' on me. I was elated.

Later on, in one of our conversations, I remember telling him, “I want to get rid of my little paunch (since I always dreamt about having a flat stomach and finally I do have one!), which makes me look like a few months pregnant”. Hoopoe’s reply, “No! that’s not a paunch, its our my kid in there!” Gosh! As I recount these incidents, I still blush, although, it occurred about four years ago! You can just about imagine how shocked and yet how thrilled I was reading those words! I don’t quite remember my reply, but, I’m sure, I was diplomatic.

Well, 22nd April, 2006, Hoopoe had sent me a friend request, and, we met for the first time, a month later, on 20th May, 2006. Our first meet in person is a story in itself.

So, Hoopoe, my Archangel, do you remember those long nights of talk and blushes?

- Sweetness

Telephonic Greeting!

Last evening, Hoopoe went for his medicals and informed me about his low blood pressure 80/60, yet, he was feeling perfect; we tried figuring out what possibly could have gone wrong, and concluded that the cuff of the BP instrument was not wrapped properly around his arm.

Hoopoe knew I was disturbed! So, at night, when we were to retire to sleep and wishing the other goodnight, suddenly, my Hoopoe sings an Eric Clapton for me:

I feel wonderful, because I see
the love right in your eyes,
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realise 
How much I love you!!!!!!

This little paragraph never fails to bring a smile onto my face!

Today morning, no phone call from Hoopoe, it's 9am! I'm worried! I make the call! To my relief, Hoopoe is fit as a fiddle, but, the fear about his low BP in my subconscious mind, did take a toll on me. I was unable to sleep at night and even in the morning was finding it difficult to breathe! I couldn't stop myself, and I broke into tears when speaking to Hoopoe! However, he had to leave for his course, hence, couldn't continue his conversation with me!

A phone call during his tea break, and I was suprised, when he began to sing to me one of our favourites from Elvis Presley, just when I said a 'Hello':

Wise men say, only fools rush in
But, I can't help 
Falling in love with you!

Ohh! This certainly made me feel a thousand times better! Thank you darling!

He enjoys when I sing to him "From this moment" by Shania Twain and "I wanna grow old with you" by Adam Sandler.

We both are bathroom singers, but, that certainly doesn't stop me from teasing my Hoopoe, to sing for me "I wanna grow old with you" on our Wedding Day!

Bedroom Nights

This is my first post for our blog and I am a bit nervous as I go about typing this post; it’s not that I am blogging for the first time, but, it’s my command over the language that is making me nervous.
Sweetness is better than me, so, as I type beside her posts, I feel like a kindergarten kid writing footnotes to Shakespeare’s  plays. Therefore, please forgive me on this front, because language is not my cup of tea ( but thankfully, I can  still maintain my freedom of expression!) .

My relationship with Sweetness has helped me to grow up in an emotional way. Although, I was growing in size and intellectually, it is only after I met sweetness at the age of 26, four years ago, that, I began growing emotionally and spiritually too. For most part of these four years, our relationship has been a long distance one (LDR) and obviously we have spent a lot of time on the telephone, chats and e-mails. Currently, I spend my weekends with Sweetness, while the weekdays are spent with her over the phone. We spoke and continue to speak a lot over the phone; we have had a lot of conflicts and issues with regards to this too. However, the one that occurred last night is a classic.

For Sweetness, and now for me too, the most romantic time to speak over the phone is just before we could retire to sleep; lying in our beds with the lights off, after about 10 PM. Unfortunately, for me, this ambience is also a call to fall asleep! No matter how good and loved I feel, my brain simply refuses to listen to my heart. Unlike Sweetness, I can fall asleep within a minute of my head hitting the pillow; this has caused a lot of heartache to Sweetness, because she misses out on the romantic talk.

Last night was no different, history repeated itself; I was struggling to stay awake and speak romantically too, both at the same time. Sweetness realizes my dilemma, and asks me to sit up, stand, walk around etc. After having done that, and back in bed, it’s not only hard to get up again, but also, my sleep dutifully returns back in a much greater intensity than before. The worst of all is me trying to explain to Sweetness, certain phrases that are irrelevant to the conversation we are having, that have cropped up because, I  blurted them out while dozing off to sleep.

An example of our late night conversation:
Sweetness : “ How much do you love me?”
Me: “Lots”
Sweetness: “ How much is lots?”
Me: “From one end of …… the.. “Terrace is falling” universe..”

Now, for the next painful 5 minutes which seem like an hour, I have to explain to her, why did I make a  mention of the words “Terrace is falling” ( which of course I said in my 1 sec long sleep!!!!!)???

Although, I tell sweetness, that, I want to sleep; she simply can let go off me and pushes me to spend that extra few minutes with her. Now, it so happens that my brain too is pushing hard on the sleep throttle and simply stops processing any information coming to it. Well, how do I describe this to Sweetness?!?!?!?!

Llike love, sleep too has no units that can be measured, however, I wish some one had devised a way to measure it. Sweetness does relent to my sleepy head with a heavy heart, a feeling of little hurt and lots of “MISSINGS” . Now, I don't know if this is good or bad, but, for that period of time, my brain blocks all emotions and processes it only the next day!


Next Morning 7 AM:  I dial Sweetness' number, the phone rings... she attends it..
Sweetness: “ Hello (in a sullen note)”
Me: “ Sorry Baby…”
Sweetness : “Hmmmmm”

-Hoopoe