So we were taught at the Marriage Preparation Course! Luckily, for me and Hoopoe, we learnt it the hard way and were already implementing the same. Thanks to Fr. Deepak and my therapy sessions; reading and working on the book, "Loving Choices" , which dealt with healing the hurting inner child inside each of us, emotional baggage etc.
1. The first and foremost thing told to us was to use “I” statements when confronting our loved one or expressing ourselves, instead of the more commonly used “You”.
Eg.’s: “I felt hurt when you said so and so to me”
And NOT.. the classic.. “You hurt me”
I feel sad when you speak in that tone or I get angry
And NOT… You make me sad or You make me angry.
2. Speak what you feel and don’t lecture the person on an issue.
This is the part where 99% of us err, we speak about everything, except, what we are feeling! However, to say what we feel, we need to recognize what we are feeling. Fear, hurt, sadness, anger, loneliness.
Take smoking as an example as the issue concerned.
Say what you actually feel, like “ I feel scared that I will lose you to terrible diseases, I fear I will have to live without you, I’m scared to live alone…”
Rather than …”Smoking is harmful, it will destroy your lungs. I guess you don’t love me enough, else, how can you smoke, even when I tell you not to. You don’t care about yourself and me too. Why don’t you stop smoking…..”
Do you notice the difference in the communication style? I guess you do.
3. Have control over what you say, never say things in a fit of anger or when emotionally clouded. Become calm and then tackle the situation.
When angry, it’s natural to say things which, later on, we wish we could have avoided, like
“I hate you”
“I know you don’t love me like before.”
“You were concerned before, now it doesn’t even bother you.”
“Earlier, you would always call, now you don’t care.”
“You don’t understand me any more, other things are more important to you…”
In many cases, these statements are far from being true; it just takes, a little understanding of ourselves to sort this out.
Calm yourself down and then deal with the issue. Issues will always come and go, some will have a solution and some just won’t. You need to know what’s important, the issue or your relationship?
One person winning and the other losing in a relationship, means the relationship has lost. The only solution is when both partners win. Such is a compromise that needs to be struck. A win-win solution should always be sought for. Brainstorm for various possibilities and you will find a way.
Nothing is easy at first, but, over a period of time, it just gets easier.
5. Focus on the issue and not on the irrelevant stuff. Don’t try to hurt the opposite person to score a point over him/ her. It leads no where.
6. Don’t bring up the past. The present is what is important.
7. See to it that the remote control of your emotions is in your own hand, don’t hand it over to anyone, not even to your partner! You are responsible for the emotions you experience. When things are getting tough, know to press the pause button and continue your discussion at a later time or date! Don’t sap all your energy over the issue, no matter, how important it maybe. You, your partner and the relationship you share is far more important.
8. At the end of the day, no matter how tough it is, tell your partner that you love him/ her. Apologise for having one of those not nice days, although, you may not have been the one at fault. Promise to deal with the same at the first given opportunity, and stick to it. Thank your partner for sharing this time with you even on this not nice day. These simple words, keeps just the issue at hand in focus, and disperses away the rest of the emotional baggage. It helps you sleep with a clear mind. This takes a lot of practice. But, trust us, many of the issues seems trivial when sorted out with a clear mind.
When Hoopoe and I met, we were a total mess; I would cry days on end, sometimes simply hold onto anger, because I wanted to be pampered, and unfortunately, things would take an ugly turn. It damaged my health even further, my self esteem and everything that made me. I was irritable, indifferent to my family members for no fault of theirs, sat quietly in my own shell, sulking, with tears dropping, and my mind replaying 24/7 non-stop, about, what Hoopoe said and what I said; thinking about all the past hurts and the ingratitude etc etc.. However, with practice, a lot has changed now.
Last but not the least, they say, “At every moment, you are either contributing or contaminating your relationship, it is always one of the two!” You know how you would like your relationship to be! So be it by thoughts, words or actions, always seek to contribute towards the beautiful relationship you share!
Beautiful relationships are not an outcome of a single day’s work, it requires constant attention, monitoring and nurturing. It has to be constantly worked up on. If you see love and the so called chemistry in a couple even after years of marriage; remember, all that it takes is putting your partner first before your ego, by that I don’t mean being a doormat; it just needs humility and the determination to see hard times through, with love!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sealing our Love
We apologise to all our readers for editing this post on 23rd March, 2010. For our personal reasons, we felt the need to do so. Thank you always for the encouragement and wishes.
It was during mid June 2006, Hoopoe and I knew that we were in love with the other, but, refused to acknowledge it openly. The “love you” was ofcourse passed, however, I’m the kinds, to whom a ‘love you’ comes very naturally. I can look at a bird and say ‘love you’, or a doggie wearing a so called ‘puppy face’, or even say it to my good friends too. However, the difference to me lies in the word “I”, “I love you”! That’s different! Did I tell Hoopoe that “I” loved him, I’m not quite sure?
It was a Saturday, I travelled quite some distance to spend time with Hoopoe and would be spending the weekend with him. My family trusted us; we were responsible enough for ourselves, and, to this day, we haven’t broken each other’s or my parent’s trust; more so, because, we never wanted to do anything at the cost of the other being uncomfortable! Me being the conservative kinds on this front, made most of it difficult for Hoopoe, and, probably, continue making it difficult for him!
We roamed the malls, watched Da Vinci Code and had loads of fun! I didn’t enjoy the drive at night, because, like always, I found the glare of the headlights blinding! Why don’t people dip their lights and drive!
We gobbled down some food and freshened up. That's when Hoopoe played my Kenny G favourite!
He asked me for a dance, and both of us with two left feet are lost in another world.
After an hour or so, my back couldn't take it any longer, and I told him that we needed to sleep. I threw myself on the bed nearest at hand. Hoopoe saw me to sleep and fell asleep himself.
We had a lovely day, sealing our love with the other!
- Sweetness
It was during mid June 2006, Hoopoe and I knew that we were in love with the other, but, refused to acknowledge it openly. The “love you” was ofcourse passed, however, I’m the kinds, to whom a ‘love you’ comes very naturally. I can look at a bird and say ‘love you’, or a doggie wearing a so called ‘puppy face’, or even say it to my good friends too. However, the difference to me lies in the word “I”, “I love you”! That’s different! Did I tell Hoopoe that “I” loved him, I’m not quite sure?
It was a Saturday, I travelled quite some distance to spend time with Hoopoe and would be spending the weekend with him. My family trusted us; we were responsible enough for ourselves, and, to this day, we haven’t broken each other’s or my parent’s trust; more so, because, we never wanted to do anything at the cost of the other being uncomfortable! Me being the conservative kinds on this front, made most of it difficult for Hoopoe, and, probably, continue making it difficult for him!
We roamed the malls, watched Da Vinci Code and had loads of fun! I didn’t enjoy the drive at night, because, like always, I found the glare of the headlights blinding! Why don’t people dip their lights and drive!
We gobbled down some food and freshened up. That's when Hoopoe played my Kenny G favourite!
He asked me for a dance, and both of us with two left feet are lost in another world.
After an hour or so, my back couldn't take it any longer, and I told him that we needed to sleep. I threw myself on the bed nearest at hand. Hoopoe saw me to sleep and fell asleep himself.
We had a lovely day, sealing our love with the other!
- Sweetness
Monday, March 8, 2010
You Say You Hurt Me; But you Don't
Today, Sweetness is feeling very low, she is sobbing and crying, but, unable to reason as to why she is feeling this way.
Although she says it’s untrue, I know, it’s mostly because the way that I have treated her. I will explain it with a story.
Once there was a farmer, who found a treasure in his field. He was very happy and believed his miseries in life were finally over. He could have a big house, maids and all other comforts of life. But, soon he started to fear that, the moment he starts flaunting this treasure, his neighbours and relatives would take it away by hook or crook. So, he hid his treasure and was scared to flaunt it or use it. His miseries mounted, he had sleepless nights, but the fear always overwhelmed him. Never did he realize that with a bit of effort and planning, he could have very well used his treasure and lead a comfortable life. People would always try to get his treasure, but, he only would have to be careful and strong. Wouldn’t life be different for the farmer then?
Our story is something like this, I am the farmer and Sweetness is my treasure. I have hidden her away from most of the people I know, because, I am scared that she will be taken away from me. How stupid could I get!
As I write this, I remember an incident that happened 4 years ago. Sweetness and I had gone to a hill station on our first getaway. We had a lovely day, and after the sun set, we decided to return back home. I was driving; midway through our journey, we got held up in a traffic jam. It was pitch dark and headlights from the vehicles coming from the opposite direction were blinding me. At this stage, just out of no where, a herd of cattle came running into the traffic, and a huge bull hit my car! The impact was so severe that it cracked the windshield, dented the bonnet and caused several other minor damages. More than the damages, we were shocked and shaken. Sweetness did not know what hit us, she thought that I had hit a human! However, she still maintained her composure and did not utter a word; I can only imagine how shaken she was!
Once I realized that that bull was hardly hurt, I continued driving. However, the incident shook me badly and I was struggling to concentrate on driving. It was at this moment, Sweetness held my hand, touched my shoulders and said, “It’s okay, baby. It was not your fault; you could not see the bull. I know you are worried that the car is damaged, but the most important thing is that, we are okay. Drive slowly, until you feel better.” These were the words of assurance, that I so longed for. No one had ever said “It’s okay” to me, whenever I was part of any incident or a minor mishap. It was always a blame game and fault finding session. Her words made me feel real good, loved and assured. That touch of sweetness I can still feel on my left hand, even after four years that have gone by. It is this touch that makes me confident and bold.
Sweetness, small little things by you have made a world of difference to me. This is just one among the thousands!
I love you baby, please don't cry, I feel horrible when you are sad... I love you my darling.
- Hoopoe
Although she says it’s untrue, I know, it’s mostly because the way that I have treated her. I will explain it with a story.
Once there was a farmer, who found a treasure in his field. He was very happy and believed his miseries in life were finally over. He could have a big house, maids and all other comforts of life. But, soon he started to fear that, the moment he starts flaunting this treasure, his neighbours and relatives would take it away by hook or crook. So, he hid his treasure and was scared to flaunt it or use it. His miseries mounted, he had sleepless nights, but the fear always overwhelmed him. Never did he realize that with a bit of effort and planning, he could have very well used his treasure and lead a comfortable life. People would always try to get his treasure, but, he only would have to be careful and strong. Wouldn’t life be different for the farmer then?
Our story is something like this, I am the farmer and Sweetness is my treasure. I have hidden her away from most of the people I know, because, I am scared that she will be taken away from me. How stupid could I get!
As I write this, I remember an incident that happened 4 years ago. Sweetness and I had gone to a hill station on our first getaway. We had a lovely day, and after the sun set, we decided to return back home. I was driving; midway through our journey, we got held up in a traffic jam. It was pitch dark and headlights from the vehicles coming from the opposite direction were blinding me. At this stage, just out of no where, a herd of cattle came running into the traffic, and a huge bull hit my car! The impact was so severe that it cracked the windshield, dented the bonnet and caused several other minor damages. More than the damages, we were shocked and shaken. Sweetness did not know what hit us, she thought that I had hit a human! However, she still maintained her composure and did not utter a word; I can only imagine how shaken she was!
Once I realized that that bull was hardly hurt, I continued driving. However, the incident shook me badly and I was struggling to concentrate on driving. It was at this moment, Sweetness held my hand, touched my shoulders and said, “It’s okay, baby. It was not your fault; you could not see the bull. I know you are worried that the car is damaged, but the most important thing is that, we are okay. Drive slowly, until you feel better.” These were the words of assurance, that I so longed for. No one had ever said “It’s okay” to me, whenever I was part of any incident or a minor mishap. It was always a blame game and fault finding session. Her words made me feel real good, loved and assured. That touch of sweetness I can still feel on my left hand, even after four years that have gone by. It is this touch that makes me confident and bold.
Sweetness, small little things by you have made a world of difference to me. This is just one among the thousands!
I love you baby, please don't cry, I feel horrible when you are sad... I love you my darling.
- Hoopoe
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Day I met Hoopoe for the First time!
It was a Saturday, 20th May, 2006. The Western Railway lines in Mumbai were having their scheduled mega block for repairs and maintenance. However, this awareness too did not deter us from meeting up on that day!
I woke up at 4:30am (barely slept for two hours), had my bath, tried beautifying myself minimally (I am still a novice on this front, I haven’t ever applied lipstick for myself, nor have I painted my nails!). At 6:00am, I try to devour some bananas, but, to no avail. I give up on the idea and at 7:30, I leave from home to meet Hoopoe at Bandra station, under the indicator.
Did I not mention about the Mega block? Well, that very block delayed me by two hours (very unlike me, because, I am very particular as far as punctuality goes). So, there was Hoopoe, anxiously waiting for me at the station, while I was stranded in the train; we then decide to put our precious time to better use by conversing with each other over the phone!
Finally, the train crawls into Bandra station, I alight from the train and, on the lookout for Hoopoe. There I see him, standing with a bright full blown smile across his face, and, a sight nothing short of a waterfall; perspiring profusely; completely wet from head to toe! I walk towards him, shake his hand, coupled with a light cheek to cheek kiss, with the words, “I have done my work, now, it’s your turn” (I promised him such a greeting when we meet for the first time).
Hoopoe looks at me and asks me if I have anything on mind for the day, and, I remind him that the first ten meets have to be arranged by him (that apart, since the first time we met, to this date, the poor guy only has been arranging all our outings!). So, after the crowd disperses, we take the bridge, Hoopoe offers me his hand to hold while climbing the stairs. I was touched by his gesture, but, I refused it for two reasons, one, I wasn’t yet ready to hold his hand in public, and secondly, the reason which I made known to him, “I will become dependent and get attached to you.”
He doesn’t tell me the itinerary for the day, all of it is kept as a surprise. We take the cab at Bandra station to IMAX, Wadala. While in the cab, I hand over the card that I made, as well as a perfume that I got as a gift for him. He sees the card, reads it, begins blushing (trust me, he blushes more than even I do), thanks me, and then, hands over his gift to me. He gifted me a pen drive; a very thoughtful gift indeed! Only months later, he told me, that, he had planned on gifting me a ring, but, it was his friend who made him see sense and asked him, “Are you planning to propose to her and scare her off right away, or do you wish to continue meeting her?”… hahahaha, my darling Hoopoe, it is so like him.
We reached our destination, booked tickets for Poseidon, to be watched in the dome theater; I was pretty uncomfortable with the cost of the tickets, more so, I’m not much of a movie buff!
Well, the entire time in the cab, right till the time we were allowed to enter the theater and even through the movie, I was feeling pretty conscious about myself, because through the corner of my eye, I could see Hoopoe constantly looking at me. Now, what I imagined was, once Hoopoe sees me, he will be quite dejected. However, Hoopoe not only told me, that, I am not as bad a sight as I had told him over our chats, but also, he kept looking at me with the greatest of care and anxiousness (hoping that I approve of him)! The kind of funny faces that Hoopoe was constantly making, probably, out of excitement, is something I will never forget. I kept looking around me to see if anybody found his expressions as weird as I did!
He made me speak to his best friend who was in Bangalore at that time and, also, reminded me to keep calling my home to inform them about my whereabouts; since I was traveling after a long break.
After the movie, we head towards a place for food. Hoopoe refused to make the place known to me. Suddenly, I see the cab taking the airport road, and I wonder, why on earth are we heading towards the airport?!?!? Just when I was to confirm the route with Hoopoe, I see the cab entering a gate; we are heading towards Hyatt!!!!!!! I was speechless; I mean, I am a dhabba kinds of girl, what will I do in a 5 star hotel!!!!!!!! I reluctantly get out of the cab, now, all the more conscious than ever before; complaining about the casual clothes that we were in for a place like this! Hoopoe had opted for a buffet meal at the Indian Restaurant, which, I believe, he regretted later, for I didn’t eat much, nor, did I let him eat! Infact, I was waiting for the time when we could just get out of the place!! I still get jittery when I think about our time at Hyatt! Today, too, I prefer the simple places over the elaborate ones.
We head to Bandra again, to do some shopping, a one of a kind shopping; window shopping within the shops!!!! He doesn’t wish to buy anything for himself, and, the same with me. After getting down to buying nothing, we head towards St. Peters Church for Mass. However, since we were not aware of the timings, we waited for two and a half hours for a one hour Mass! During the Eucharistic Celebration, I distinctly remember, praying to Jesus to seal our love and bond forever. The fact was that we were already in love with each other, even before we could meet in person!
The first day we met, will always be a memorable day for me; since then, so much has changed between us, but, all for the better; the sparkle and excitement in his eyes back then, is now replaced with such intense love, that, each time he looks at me, it strikes a chord within my heart, and makes me love him even more than the moment gone by!
It is like a dream, Hoopoe is my first and only love, and, I too am Hoopoe’s first and only love! We haven’t been in a relationship before, ours is the only experience that we have, which, certainly reduces a lot of the emotional baggage that past relationships could bring! We are Blessed! We have been through real tough times, however, we have just held on, for we couldn’t think about life without the other! We knew that we not only want, but also, need the other!
So, my Sweetheart Hoopoe, when will we be creating such memories again, any time soon?
- Sweetness
I woke up at 4:30am (barely slept for two hours), had my bath, tried beautifying myself minimally (I am still a novice on this front, I haven’t ever applied lipstick for myself, nor have I painted my nails!). At 6:00am, I try to devour some bananas, but, to no avail. I give up on the idea and at 7:30, I leave from home to meet Hoopoe at Bandra station, under the indicator.
Did I not mention about the Mega block? Well, that very block delayed me by two hours (very unlike me, because, I am very particular as far as punctuality goes). So, there was Hoopoe, anxiously waiting for me at the station, while I was stranded in the train; we then decide to put our precious time to better use by conversing with each other over the phone!
Finally, the train crawls into Bandra station, I alight from the train and, on the lookout for Hoopoe. There I see him, standing with a bright full blown smile across his face, and, a sight nothing short of a waterfall; perspiring profusely; completely wet from head to toe! I walk towards him, shake his hand, coupled with a light cheek to cheek kiss, with the words, “I have done my work, now, it’s your turn” (I promised him such a greeting when we meet for the first time).
Hoopoe looks at me and asks me if I have anything on mind for the day, and, I remind him that the first ten meets have to be arranged by him (that apart, since the first time we met, to this date, the poor guy only has been arranging all our outings!). So, after the crowd disperses, we take the bridge, Hoopoe offers me his hand to hold while climbing the stairs. I was touched by his gesture, but, I refused it for two reasons, one, I wasn’t yet ready to hold his hand in public, and secondly, the reason which I made known to him, “I will become dependent and get attached to you.”
He doesn’t tell me the itinerary for the day, all of it is kept as a surprise. We take the cab at Bandra station to IMAX, Wadala. While in the cab, I hand over the card that I made, as well as a perfume that I got as a gift for him. He sees the card, reads it, begins blushing (trust me, he blushes more than even I do), thanks me, and then, hands over his gift to me. He gifted me a pen drive; a very thoughtful gift indeed! Only months later, he told me, that, he had planned on gifting me a ring, but, it was his friend who made him see sense and asked him, “Are you planning to propose to her and scare her off right away, or do you wish to continue meeting her?”… hahahaha, my darling Hoopoe, it is so like him.
We reached our destination, booked tickets for Poseidon, to be watched in the dome theater; I was pretty uncomfortable with the cost of the tickets, more so, I’m not much of a movie buff!
Well, the entire time in the cab, right till the time we were allowed to enter the theater and even through the movie, I was feeling pretty conscious about myself, because through the corner of my eye, I could see Hoopoe constantly looking at me. Now, what I imagined was, once Hoopoe sees me, he will be quite dejected. However, Hoopoe not only told me, that, I am not as bad a sight as I had told him over our chats, but also, he kept looking at me with the greatest of care and anxiousness (hoping that I approve of him)! The kind of funny faces that Hoopoe was constantly making, probably, out of excitement, is something I will never forget. I kept looking around me to see if anybody found his expressions as weird as I did!
He made me speak to his best friend who was in Bangalore at that time and, also, reminded me to keep calling my home to inform them about my whereabouts; since I was traveling after a long break.
After the movie, we head towards a place for food. Hoopoe refused to make the place known to me. Suddenly, I see the cab taking the airport road, and I wonder, why on earth are we heading towards the airport?!?!? Just when I was to confirm the route with Hoopoe, I see the cab entering a gate; we are heading towards Hyatt!!!!!!! I was speechless; I mean, I am a dhabba kinds of girl, what will I do in a 5 star hotel!!!!!!!! I reluctantly get out of the cab, now, all the more conscious than ever before; complaining about the casual clothes that we were in for a place like this! Hoopoe had opted for a buffet meal at the Indian Restaurant, which, I believe, he regretted later, for I didn’t eat much, nor, did I let him eat! Infact, I was waiting for the time when we could just get out of the place!! I still get jittery when I think about our time at Hyatt! Today, too, I prefer the simple places over the elaborate ones.
We head to Bandra again, to do some shopping, a one of a kind shopping; window shopping within the shops!!!! He doesn’t wish to buy anything for himself, and, the same with me. After getting down to buying nothing, we head towards St. Peters Church for Mass. However, since we were not aware of the timings, we waited for two and a half hours for a one hour Mass! During the Eucharistic Celebration, I distinctly remember, praying to Jesus to seal our love and bond forever. The fact was that we were already in love with each other, even before we could meet in person!
The first day we met, will always be a memorable day for me; since then, so much has changed between us, but, all for the better; the sparkle and excitement in his eyes back then, is now replaced with such intense love, that, each time he looks at me, it strikes a chord within my heart, and makes me love him even more than the moment gone by!
It is like a dream, Hoopoe is my first and only love, and, I too am Hoopoe’s first and only love! We haven’t been in a relationship before, ours is the only experience that we have, which, certainly reduces a lot of the emotional baggage that past relationships could bring! We are Blessed! We have been through real tough times, however, we have just held on, for we couldn’t think about life without the other! We knew that we not only want, but also, need the other!
So, my Sweetheart Hoopoe, when will we be creating such memories again, any time soon?
- Sweetness
Friday, March 5, 2010
Marriage Preparation Course V
In the entire course of the MPC, creating a vision for our Marriage and praying over the same during the Eucharistic Celebration was the defining moment for me.
We needed to create a vision for our marriage, as well as state three practical steps that we would take in the course of our everyday life, in order to make it a reality.
Our vision and steps are as follows:
“To constantly grow in a deep intimate relationship with each other and create a home for our family.”
1. Share atleast one meal and a prayer
2. Share any hurt feelings before retiring to bed.
3. Affirm each other by saying, “I love you, I want you”.
Then, during one of the sessions, a clipping from a documentary by Times Wellness was shown. The name of the documentary is:
“Who the Hell thought about the idea of Marriage?”
The documentary did give some insight into how couples behave when in a relationship; at the start, everything seems hunky dory, while later on, the very actions of our spouse that attracted us, begins to turn us off!
One of the books recommended to make a good read was:
“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
I still have to get hold of a copy of this book!
There were other sessions on Relationship Communication, Conflict Management etc. which were helpful, and gave a good insight into the way we should deal with our issues.
Finally, at the end of the MPC, we had to make a note on what we had learnt from the course.
This is what Hoopoe had to say:
Marriage can be the best thing that can happen to me provided it is continuously worked upon.
This is what I wrote:
I have learnt many ways to deal with conflict. It has made me see our relationship in a new light and it makes me feel that we are truly Blessed to be with each other. Moreover, it has made me realize Hoopoe’s true love for me, now, I believe in it. It also has helped me recognize a number of skills that Hoopoe possesses, which are much better than mine. The biggest lesson that I have learnt is, that, I need to tell Hoopoe exactly what I want and how I feel, and, there is nothing wrong in asking.
-Sweetness
We needed to create a vision for our marriage, as well as state three practical steps that we would take in the course of our everyday life, in order to make it a reality.
Our vision and steps are as follows:
“To constantly grow in a deep intimate relationship with each other and create a home for our family.”
1. Share atleast one meal and a prayer
2. Share any hurt feelings before retiring to bed.
3. Affirm each other by saying, “I love you, I want you”.
Then, during one of the sessions, a clipping from a documentary by Times Wellness was shown. The name of the documentary is:
“Who the Hell thought about the idea of Marriage?”
The documentary did give some insight into how couples behave when in a relationship; at the start, everything seems hunky dory, while later on, the very actions of our spouse that attracted us, begins to turn us off!
One of the books recommended to make a good read was:
“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
I still have to get hold of a copy of this book!
There were other sessions on Relationship Communication, Conflict Management etc. which were helpful, and gave a good insight into the way we should deal with our issues.
Finally, at the end of the MPC, we had to make a note on what we had learnt from the course.
This is what Hoopoe had to say:
Marriage can be the best thing that can happen to me provided it is continuously worked upon.
This is what I wrote:
I have learnt many ways to deal with conflict. It has made me see our relationship in a new light and it makes me feel that we are truly Blessed to be with each other. Moreover, it has made me realize Hoopoe’s true love for me, now, I believe in it. It also has helped me recognize a number of skills that Hoopoe possesses, which are much better than mine. The biggest lesson that I have learnt is, that, I need to tell Hoopoe exactly what I want and how I feel, and, there is nothing wrong in asking.
-Sweetness
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
How Hoopoe and I got Introduced?
Our love story can definitely be attributed to today’s technology. Had communication facilities not been made so freely available, I wonder if Hoopoe and I would have been able to build up on our relationship the way we did!
It was in 2006, a week after Easter, Hoopoe came to Mumbai to attend some courses and answer exams. It was then, that, he felt the need of making female friends; maybe just to spend time or probably even on the lookout for a life partner (Hoopoe shared with me, that, generally when a guy is single, he looks for a lady who can probably be his potential soul mate), so began Hoopoe’s hunt on Orkut (at that time, the most widely used friendship site in Mumbai). I received a friend request from him and so did many other girls.
Well, I was surprised to see a friend request, because, not only did I have just about four to five friends on my list, but also, my profile didn’t even have a photograph! I was new to Orkut, and was not quite sure about how it functioned, neither was I too keen on befriending anybody. Back then, my career was a major concern to me, especially, the time that I was losing out on because of my ill health. Nevertheless, I visited Hoopoe’s profile; the first thing I did was a check on his communities and his friend’s list, to know if he is a decent guy! I checked out his profile photo and felt that he was some 36 year old guy, who probably was on the lookout for friends!
He sent me a message thanking me for accepting the invite and I acknowledged the same. And guess what, Hoopoe responds to the reply with a Belated Easter wish. In two days, he was writing long emails to me; I will not forget this one statement in his very second mail which was such a turn off; I quote, “Any way I would love to chat with you.. you seem to be very Interesting Person.. (and believe me.. I have not called many ppl interesting).” Inspite of this idiotic statement, we begun chatting and he asked all about me. I told him about my health and was very sure that when he realises the difficulty, he will lose interest.
But, No!!!! This guy was different; he cared, he wanted to know each and everything associated with my ailment; what, when, how, everything!! He was empathetic, caring, had a sound knowledge and was interested! He wanted to speak with me! After two days of chat, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him(which is so unlike me)! On the very first phone call, he chose to sing an MLTR number, “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes, love is all around me and the feeling grows…” It was nice hearing him speak and sing, he sounded very nice over the phone, and the care was evident in his speech.
He was decent, caring, interested, an encyclopedia (his caring nature and knowledge made me fall for him). He could speak about anything; Astronomy, Physics, Anatomy, History, Technology… he was like a know it all.
Chats became long and went into the night, after the late night chats which would end about 12:00 or 1:00am, was the telephone conversations that would end at 3:00am to the longest one being from 2:00 to 5:30am. For one month, we literally lived with each other and technology helped us in being ‘virtual living mates’. Back then, I maintained a diary and I wrote about Hoopoe, not even 15 days had gone by since the time he sent me a friend request, but, I already felt I was in love. However, reality never leaves you, and I was aware that once Hoopoe met me in person, he would no longer want to continue being friends with me nor would want to keep it as pure and simple friendship.
We had not met each other, but, about three weeks after I accepted his friend request, Hoopoe told me that he felt he was having a 'crush' on me. I was elated.
Later on, in one of our conversations, I remember telling him, “I want to get rid of my little paunch (since I always dreamt about having a flat stomach and finally I do have one!), which makes me look like a few months pregnant”. Hoopoe’s reply, “No! that’s not a paunch, itsour my kid in there!” Gosh! As I recount these incidents, I still blush, although, it occurred about four years ago! You can just about imagine how shocked and yet how thrilled I was reading those words! I don’t quite remember my reply, but, I’m sure, I was diplomatic.
Well, 22nd April, 2006, Hoopoe had sent me a friend request, and, we met for the first time, a month later, on 20th May, 2006. Our first meet in person is a story in itself.
So, Hoopoe, my Archangel, do you remember those long nights of talk and blushes?
- Sweetness
It was in 2006, a week after Easter, Hoopoe came to Mumbai to attend some courses and answer exams. It was then, that, he felt the need of making female friends; maybe just to spend time or probably even on the lookout for a life partner (Hoopoe shared with me, that, generally when a guy is single, he looks for a lady who can probably be his potential soul mate), so began Hoopoe’s hunt on Orkut (at that time, the most widely used friendship site in Mumbai). I received a friend request from him and so did many other girls.
Well, I was surprised to see a friend request, because, not only did I have just about four to five friends on my list, but also, my profile didn’t even have a photograph! I was new to Orkut, and was not quite sure about how it functioned, neither was I too keen on befriending anybody. Back then, my career was a major concern to me, especially, the time that I was losing out on because of my ill health. Nevertheless, I visited Hoopoe’s profile; the first thing I did was a check on his communities and his friend’s list, to know if he is a decent guy! I checked out his profile photo and felt that he was some 36 year old guy, who probably was on the lookout for friends!
He sent me a message thanking me for accepting the invite and I acknowledged the same. And guess what, Hoopoe responds to the reply with a Belated Easter wish. In two days, he was writing long emails to me; I will not forget this one statement in his very second mail which was such a turn off; I quote, “Any way I would love to chat with you.. you seem to be very Interesting Person.. (and believe me.. I have not called many ppl interesting).” Inspite of this idiotic statement, we begun chatting and he asked all about me. I told him about my health and was very sure that when he realises the difficulty, he will lose interest.
But, No!!!! This guy was different; he cared, he wanted to know each and everything associated with my ailment; what, when, how, everything!! He was empathetic, caring, had a sound knowledge and was interested! He wanted to speak with me! After two days of chat, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him(which is so unlike me)! On the very first phone call, he chose to sing an MLTR number, “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes, love is all around me and the feeling grows…” It was nice hearing him speak and sing, he sounded very nice over the phone, and the care was evident in his speech.
He was decent, caring, interested, an encyclopedia (his caring nature and knowledge made me fall for him). He could speak about anything; Astronomy, Physics, Anatomy, History, Technology… he was like a know it all.
Chats became long and went into the night, after the late night chats which would end about 12:00 or 1:00am, was the telephone conversations that would end at 3:00am to the longest one being from 2:00 to 5:30am. For one month, we literally lived with each other and technology helped us in being ‘virtual living mates’. Back then, I maintained a diary and I wrote about Hoopoe, not even 15 days had gone by since the time he sent me a friend request, but, I already felt I was in love. However, reality never leaves you, and I was aware that once Hoopoe met me in person, he would no longer want to continue being friends with me nor would want to keep it as pure and simple friendship.
We had not met each other, but, about three weeks after I accepted his friend request, Hoopoe told me that he felt he was having a 'crush' on me. I was elated.
Later on, in one of our conversations, I remember telling him, “I want to get rid of my little paunch (since I always dreamt about having a flat stomach and finally I do have one!), which makes me look like a few months pregnant”. Hoopoe’s reply, “No! that’s not a paunch, its
Well, 22nd April, 2006, Hoopoe had sent me a friend request, and, we met for the first time, a month later, on 20th May, 2006. Our first meet in person is a story in itself.
So, Hoopoe, my Archangel, do you remember those long nights of talk and blushes?
- Sweetness
Monday, March 1, 2010
Clothes
The dress and top purchased by my Hoopoe for me on one of our few shopping expeditions together.
However, this experience was a little different from the rest; I was tired and not in the best of spirits/health to walk around the mall; hence, I perched myself on a comfortable sofa and had my Hoopoe shopping for me. Talk about living life king size or should I say queen size?
It was quite a sight to have Hoopoe walking towards me with clothes hanging on his arms and shoulders, seeking for my approval. I wonder how many women must have pitied him, along with the men, or probably many women desired for their man to do that for them, atleast when unwell! It's a great Blessing that Hoopoe enjoys shopping, because, I simply don’t. So, the needed shopping can be looked into by him.
Did I forget to mention that I look lovely in those clothes? Yup, they make me feel good.
Thank you darling, I know that I owe you big time for the care and concern you have for me during my not so good phase in life.
-Sweetness
However, this experience was a little different from the rest; I was tired and not in the best of spirits/health to walk around the mall; hence, I perched myself on a comfortable sofa and had my Hoopoe shopping for me. Talk about living life king size or should I say queen size?
It was quite a sight to have Hoopoe walking towards me with clothes hanging on his arms and shoulders, seeking for my approval. I wonder how many women must have pitied him, along with the men, or probably many women desired for their man to do that for them, atleast when unwell! It's a great Blessing that Hoopoe enjoys shopping, because, I simply don’t. So, the needed shopping can be looked into by him.
Did I forget to mention that I look lovely in those clothes? Yup, they make me feel good.
Thank you darling, I know that I owe you big time for the care and concern you have for me during my not so good phase in life.
-Sweetness
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