Restless day

January to April are very busy months for Hoopoe, he has certain courses and exams to answer for a promotion in his rank. The last Tuesday, he had a holiday and hence, he decided to drive down to my place to spend some quality time with me. I wasn’t in favour of the idea, because it’s a long and tiring drive, and I wanted him to get enough of rest, since he had driven for a long distance on Monday.

Hoopoe, tells me that he wouldn’t be staying at home; if he isn’t meeting up with me, then he would be catching up with one of his female friends (or should I say acquaintance) if and only if I would be comfortable with him doing so.

Well, there were certain considerations for me which I of course made known to him:
1.    I wanted him to use only public transport and not the car, because it is my space.
2.    Since, I am unable to physically achieve the many simple activities which he and I would like to; there could be a chance of some kind of attraction that he develops for her, which may cause a slip in our relationship. As long as he is aware of this possibility, he will be cautious in his interactions with people of the opposite sex.
3.    Also, I was not very keen on the meeting, because, I really don’t see much of a future in that friendship (although, I know, I should be no judge). The point is that, he has met her only once in his life, and this would be the second time. They are rarely in touch and became friends with her around the same time; he and I were getting to know each other.

As much as all of this was on my mind, there was “trust” that was the ruling factor. More so, I had to respect his need or want of making female friends (he has schooled in an all boys school, his college years too with guys, his work environment too, he is surrounded with guys; over and above, his only other sibling happens to be a brother), and I totally understand that. Also, there is a possibility which he has acknowledged, that I (Sweetness) am more close to guys than females, which maybe prompting him to befriend females. So, I was all okay on that front; we had a long chat about the same and I was good.

However, when the time came, and Hoopoe left from home, and, traveled quite a bit to meet up with her, I was totally restless. I couldn’t understand why I was so anxious! I thought that they would meet up for about 2 to 3 hours, but, didn’t quite expect them to spend more than 5 hours with each other; that seemed a little too much for me.

Hmmmm…Well, the issue that was actually troubling me was, that, I was unable to do the same things as comfortably as she did.

He called me up when he was with her to tell me that he loved and missed me, but, somehow, I couldn’t relate to it and didn’t respond back. Immediately, when he left for home, he called me up to find out how I was, and, recounted all that they did and spoke.. And as you would rightly guess, I showed zero interest. He told me many times, that by the way I’m responding, he felt that he shouldn’t have gone and met up with her, because I don’t seem very comfortable with it.

Anyway, when he reached home, and before retiring to sleep, we spoke to each other for a very long time, and, I was not very responsive, which was hurting him. He told me that the place was beautiful and that I would love it, and he wants to take me there. He kept reassuring me that he will help me to get well, and that, I am capable enough to go out on such drives or outings with him; that I need not be so hard on myself. He respects the limitations that I have, and chooses activities or places which are okay with me. Even after him having said all of this, I kind of was simply upset, not understanding what’s wrong with me.

We ended the conversation on a very low note, and I wished him goodnight. We generally do not address each other by our names, unless when angry. So he told me, that he wished that I didn’t call out his name, instead, used an endearing term, at least when ending for the day.

Believe me or not, that’s all it took to make me feel better!!!!! I felt, I was totally madly in love with him all over again! I felt I meant something to him; it was this idle/ insecure mind playing games. Also, I realized, I love to be pampered by him, and never tire of knowing from him that he loves me, and I mean everything to him!

So, as you see, I can be a total idiot; small little innocent things can really upset me a great deal. But, a good thing is that, I have learnt to figure out those issues and deal with them objectively.

Thank you Lord. You have gifted me with such an Angel.

I love you my Hoopoe and once again, I'm truly sorry.

- Sweetness

I Dislike this DISTANCE

You see, Hoopoe lives miles away from me, for a major part, ours has been a long distance relationship. I always thought that I would be good at maintaining such a relationship, but, little did I realize that these emotions would be the kind that I never handled before; the stomach lurching feeling, inability to breathe, feel like throwing up at the little sadness or hurt, that plagued our relationship.

Well, the awareness is always there, that we are two different people from two different cultures, with different opinions, and hence, bound to differ. Still, sometimes, those differences do cause more than a little tiff.

Now, we are nearly about four years into our relationship, yet, staying away from Hoopoe gets more difficult. Gosh! I thought, I would come to terms with living away from him and dealing with my emotions… how wrong I was!!!! I yearn for him more and more, and when in a bout of pain, then even more than before I need that soothing voice to float into my ears. Wait! Don’t get me wrong! I’m in no infatuated stage, because, when I’m irritated with him, the same voice can make me hit the roof!!!! I wonder if Hoopoe too feels the same when disturbed and I happen to be the reason!

Presently, Hoopoe doesn’t live all that far away from me, but, not very near too, which makes it nearly impossible to meet everyday. To crown it all, Tuesday, was one of those not so good days (more about it in the next post), I kind of handled my feelings badly, and may have hurt him. Hence, I want him to be with me, so that; I can hug him tight and tell him that I’m sorry. A touch speaks a million words!!!! This is one huge drawback of a long distance relationship, the feelings kind of linger for longer than needed, however, on a more positive side, we have kind of learnt, to directly deal with the issue rather than hurting the other, because, the emotions felt after lashing out are even worse than the original feelings. All said and done, I feel the need to hold him and look into his eyes and say that I am sorry.

As I write this, it’s time for him to call up, so I got to go; all my attention to the love of my life..

Hoopoe, come home soon…

- Sweetness

An Introduction

I am, let's call me, 'Sweetness', who will be co-authoring this blog with my beau, let's call him "Hoopoe". Chosen the names Sweetness and Hoopoe, cause that's how we address each other at those times, when we feel really connected. Using this blog more as a means of expressing ourselves, and, of course documenting times that we remember, both the good and the not so good ones, and sharing it with those who believe in improving their relationship with passing time. Ours sure short has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride; looking back, all of it made us better individuals, a better couple, and, laid the foundation of what we feel is true love.

A little about me, Sweetness, I am a home bird, trying to recover from a number of physical complications which, involves a lot of pain, thereby, being holed up inside the house for a considerable period of time. For the good part, I ain't on medications and using nature therapy to beat my problems; will write more about the same in the coming days. However, no balm is as soothing and healing as the love that I receive from my Hoopoe. I pray, a year and a half from now, and I should be fantastic, like my Hoopoe always keeps telling me with the greatest faith and confidence, "2010 will be your last year of suffering."

About my Hoopoe, well well well, the more I say about him, the less it is. He is my Archangel, whose work takes him to distant lands. He is all that a wife would desire in a man, considerate, loving, understanding, sensitive to my needs, empathetic, supportive, responsible and the list goes on endlessly. He is one of those who will go out of his way to accommodate his family.

Desperately waiting to be married to this love of mine, however, at this point, my health, and, his career is keeping us apart, but, I'm sure for not very long.. In any case, who can live apart from a person having an irresistible nature as his!!!

I love you my Beloved..........

-Sweetness