Sorry For Hurting You

Summer comes year after year,

Just like your tears my dear,

Your wet eyes to sight I fear,

But unlike summer I can stop your tear.

Not a day passes without me thinking,

If you are happy or melancholic and sulking,

Or if your eyes are closed, winking or blinking,

And I wonder if the tears will ever cease flowing.

I can never stop thinking of those pretty big eyes

River of tears that darken your cheeks like dyes

Every drop for the best pearl it vies,

However hard you try, the hurt it never belies.

That sparkling drop, shaped like a pear,

With my palms, I will rub them clear,

Will my touch bring in you the cheer?

I’ll do anything for a glow in your eyes my dear.

Love you Sweetness

Hoopoe

Love Letters (MPC IV)

A love letter themed “Expectations” had to be written by each of us to our partner. It had a structure which needed to be followed which went like:
1. Salutation (which had to include the partner's name, or a name by which we address our partner, and NOT anything vague like "to my dearest, to my love etc etc" unless you address the person "dearest" or "love".
2. State the reason why you chose your partner.
3. State three expectations that you have from the marriage.
4. State two expectations that you have from your partner.
5. Conclude the letter.

So, this was the letter written by Hoopoe to me:

Dear Sweetness,
I love you and I chose you because of the care and warmth I get from you.
I have three expectations from our Marriage:
1. Faithfulness and honesty
2. Care and warmth
3. Pride in the way we live.
I have two expectations from you:
1. Continue being honest with me like you have always been.
2. Assure me when I am down.
Love you darling,
Hoopoe

A love letter based on the same theme written to Hoopoe by me:

My Love,
You make me feel loved, accepted and cared for. I can just be myself with you. I can be honest and express my deepest feelings to you, without any hesitation. I don’t have to put on any behaviour or masks. I do feel your true love for me; you truly are the best for me, my Love.
In our marriage, I dream:
1.    That we constantly grow in our relationship, which makes us better individuals and a great couple.
2.    Both of us jointly work on a project, that fills us with contentment.
3.    That we create a family where love and acceptance abounds.
Two expectations that I would like you to fulfill are:
1.    To look into my eyes with a smile on your face or a wink in your eyes, and, to hold my hand or touch me each time you have the opportunity.
2.    To express your feelings to me, your joy, moments that have touched you, words/ instances that have hurt you.
I love you immensely my Hoopoe.
Yours,
Sweetness

- Sweetness

Pigeons… Dedicated to my Ma!

Pigeons!! That’s what ma calls Hoopoe and me when we are speaking to each other over the phone, or even when we are together. However, she misses our constant chattering with each other, especially, when Hoopoe has to leave for his contracts.

Whenever Hoopoe is at my place, it’s very difficult to find him and me apart; we are together all the time, nearly every second. I have to accept that I don’t give him the freedom to be where he wants to be, or do what he wants to do. My take on the issue is simple, since, you are with me for a few hours/days, might as well spend them with me; else, what’s the point of making such a long travel!

The Day Hoopoe gave me our Commitment Ring!

We apologise to all our readers for editing this post on 23rd March, 2010. For our personal reasons, we felt the need to do so. Thank you for the encouragement and good wishes.

Post Valentine, and memories of the day, on which, Hoopoe slipped the ring onto my finger come flooding back to me.

It was January 11th,’09; I would be meeting Hoopoe after six whole months! While he was away, we went through a lot of ups and downs; minor issues were magnified, and the more hurting emotions just shoved away in silence. Communication was a problem, because as a policy of his company, he could write just about 450 characters per day which cost him a dollar! Speaking over the phone was terribly expensive, and a luxury which we indulged in every fortnight or every month, depending on the kind of voyage orders.

The heart wrenching feeling after a tiff was horrible and unexplainable. It felt better to ignore issues, because, that seemed more manageable as compared to ironing out our differences. I think this is the most painful process in any relationship. Drawing a line between confronting emotions and letting go is a mighty task! It indeed takes heroism to live a beautiful relationship! Allowing negative emotions and feelings fester, destroys the relationship on the long run, while confronting them is agonizingly painful. Dealing with such terrible agony associated with love is truly heroic!

Such were the kind of days we had when Hoopoe was away; nice, not nice and terrible ones! I had to keep in mind that he was away from family and needed to concentrate on his work, because not only his work would suffer, but, his life too was at greater risk. There were some nasty statements that passed between us and they mostly revolved around my health.

To be very honest, it is very difficult to recount the negative feelings and emotions, especially, the ones at which I still hurt and need healing! But, I am aware that expressing them is one way of attaining closure to these feelings.

Being in a wrecked emotional state and having Hoopoe sail through pirate waters a fortnight ago made me more like a person without emotions! I didn’t even know what I was feeling! All I knew is that I wanted to just crash into his arms and stay in that embrace forever; free from emotions, free from any sort of negative feelings… I just wanted love and simplicity in life..

The day dawned, I was anxiously awaiting his arrival; I saw him tugging at his huge suitcase from a distance and my heart was pounding! He was finally coming home to spend time with me after six months! I ran towards the door, held it open and saw him standing there, his eyes overflowing with love for me; I wanted to kiss him and cry to him, I wanted to know why did he make me wait so long for him, however, I could do no more than hugging him, cause I was surrounded with family who were equally ecstatic to have him over.

I was waiting to spend some precious moments alone with him, but, not a chance till noon.

Finally, when everyone was having their nap, we began unwinding up. I still vividly remember my love, just as a passing question asking me, “If I had to propose to you, during this phase, how and where would you want it to be, a candle light dinner or a long night drive or a romantic place or a 5 star setting? What would you prefer?” And all I said was, “Well, we are at such a stage that this seems passé, especially now; since I’m so much in love with you, I would feel like a Princess if you propose to me when we are spending some quiet moments of togetherness, especially at night.”(the most romantic part of the 24 hour cycle to me).

Well Well!! You must be wondering that I probably had butterflies in my stomach hearing what he said, but, that wasn’t the case, cause I always enjoyed teasing him, making him propose a billion times over to me with the most frilly and romantic words, and I would only approve of something that appealed to me the best! And believe me; I never tire of this stuff! I simply enjoy listening to the reasons as to why he wants to spend his life with me. It works wonders for me, especially, the way I feel about myself! So, to me, this was just part of such a stint and not to forget, that, I have been tired of telling him, that I needed a commitment ring (which in my dream world comes before an engagement ring), to me a symbol of commitment for life! We have had many issues over this subject too.

The evening passes off, had my friends over who were on their teasing mode, but, I am a one man’s army, the number of people trying to get at me, barely matters!

Evening passes into night. My family members have retired to sleep and I am preparing myself for a long night snooze. Hoopoe  tells me that he wants to speak to me; we speak mainly about his family; after a while he holds my hand close to his chest and says, “Baby, I need to tell you something, I know this will not sound good, since, I  feel that you are already my wife, but, I need to ask you this question, and I really hope that you don’t mind.”

At this time, my heart sank because I thought, he would tell me something about his parents, and again, I would have to go through all the turmoil that I so detest, I felt exhausted, but, I knew I had to listen! I wished that our sweet little talk never ended and he didn’t have to say what he wanted to…… when suddenly, I hear the words, “Will you marry me?” And there I feel a ring slipping onto my finger!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart nearly stopped; did I hear him correctly? Does he know what he is doing? Didn’t I make it clear to him that a ring on my finger indicates commitment for life and there is not turning back?…. Thousands of questions flooded my mind, and all I could say was  “Wait”.

I had to clear from my head all those questions before I could accept the ring which symbolized so much to me!

I asked him tons of them which seemed to go on for an eternity, “Will you accept me as I am? Do you realize what are you getting into? Do you know maybe I will not improve? What if I just get worse? How will you manage? What about your parents......?”

After having clarified each and everything with him, I finally said  “Yes”, with my heart bouncing up and down, I fighting back tears, wondering how Blessed I am to be living this life!!!! Gosh! Everything seemed so BEAUTIFUL!

He asked, “Can we get married right now?” I said, “It won’t be correct, because, we neither have a community nor a priest to Bless our marriage”. That’s when he said, “But, Jesus is right here with us, do you need anyone greater than Him?”. I said, “No”.

He took off the ring from my finger and again began slipping it onto my finger with the words, “I Hoopoe (we used our real names) take you Sweetness as my wife; I promise to be true to you and love you in good times and bad, sickness and health all the days of my life; I love you my Angel.” I took off the ring from my finger and slipped it onto Hoopoe’s little finger and pledged my vow in earnest to him.

Suddenly, bing, I just felt that I belonged to Hoopoe, totally and completely. I felt I could completely surrender myself to him physically, emotionally and every possible way; I had no more barriers in mind.

However, since I am the conservative types, not by dress or behaviour, but, definitely by values and principles, I haven’t been able to physically surrender myself to Hoopoe even to this date, cause Marriage to me is a very important sacrament, which I cannot and will not toy with.  The urges to physically give in have been so strong, that I wonder why do I even need to hold back my physical expression of love?!?!?! He is the man I love and I chose him for eternity! However, Hoopoe too is very understanding, he tells me that he would be more than delighted, and infact, craves for that level of physical intimacy, but, he understands my feelings towards the same and respects it.

With the ring back onto my finger, I hugged Hoopoe as tightly as I could for sealing our commitment with each other, and then I broke down into some uncontrollable sob! Happiness, release of emotions, I don’t know what to call it, but, I was in Hoopoe’s arms feeling secure, loved and wanted….

Hoopoe, I need repetitions of such days my love.. I love you darling..

- Sweetness

Marriage Preparation Course III

One of the sessions that touched us was, understanding what love is, and the phases that a couple or an individual experiences, in marriage. It quite often happens that one person is at a different phase as compared to their spouse/partner, and this is when patience and understanding plays a pivotal role.
The three phases described were: Romance, Disillusionment, True Love.

Love was defined as:
Love is a feeling.
Love is a decision.
Love is also an ability.

Priorities in married life, with regards to other family members were highlighted as:
Primary priority – Spouse
Secondary priority – Children
Tertiary Priority – Parents and family

Another session that we liked was, ‘knowing our self’, which comprised of pointers and questions that led to better understanding of our behavioural patterns and the emotional family baggage that we carry.

Psychologists say that every person, at every moment has atleast 20 reasons or things to be happy about.

Another pointer given that I liked was:
If you can love/accept yourself with your negatives, you can do so to the same extent with your partner’s negatives.

We were asked to practice the following every day:
1.    Affirm 10 to 20 things that are great in your partner.
2.    Before retiring to sleep, affirm yourself in areas of love, self-worth and talent.

In yet another session, we were asked to define what Marriage meant to us:

Hoopoe defined it as:
Marriage is a life long promise of my fidelity, love, care, honesty to my partner, in all times good and bad.
It is a word to the Lord that I will take care of His creation and love it just like He does.

I defined it as:
Marriage is understanding, trust, love, fidelity, care; learning about the other, growing together as individuals and as a couple, satisfying each other’s emotional needs and at the same time giving personal space. It is an eternal journey.

Facilitators at MPC defined it to us as:
Marriage is a call to intimacy.
Marriage is a challenge to love deeply your spouse and family.

We had a session on “Growing in Intimacy” in a marital relationship which included:
Intellectual Intimacy
Emotional intimacy
Social Intimacy
Spiritual Intimacy
Physical Intimacy

Later on, we were even given an assignment, on our take on “Money Matters” in our marital life, right from celebration of the wedding to budgeting, investments etc.

In the next post on MPC, I will cover the two activities that touched a chord in our hearts, which we will cherish for a lifetime.

- Sweetness

Holding Hands!

I had and continue having a lovely courtship with Hoopoe. The one thing about Hoopoe that has always been a huge ‘turn on’ for me, are his hands.

I am not quite sure as to the kind of significance his hand holds for me, but, it could be that of comfort, love, security, care, warmth, etc etc. Infact, when Hoopoe had posted a picture of his hand on one of the friendship sites, I took great offense to the same. It’s weird you know, I don’t mind him hugging a person, but, I do feel jealous if he touches a person or holds a person’s hand. Gosh! I sound so possessive, don’t I?

I can just look at the picture of his hand and feel all love pouring out from my heart for him. His hand, his touch is simply magical. It’s firm, yet gentle, steady and comforting, soothing and caring… it’s just so filled with love...

Oh! But you must know this; when he helps me with my exercises, his grip is so tight; that, I feel my blood circulation is cut off! He is terribly scared to move my limbs wrongly, and I quite understand that!

That’s what makes my Hoopoe’s well chiseled hands so desirable!

Telephonic Greeting!

Last evening, Hoopoe went for his medicals and informed me about his low blood pressure 80/60, yet, he was feeling perfect; we tried figuring out what possibly could have gone wrong, and concluded that the cuff of the BP instrument was not wrapped properly around his arm.

Hoopoe knew I was disturbed! So, at night, when we were to retire to sleep and wishing the other goodnight, suddenly, my Hoopoe sings an Eric Clapton for me:

I feel wonderful, because I see
the love right in your eyes,
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realise 
How much I love you!!!!!!

This little paragraph never fails to bring a smile onto my face!

Today morning, no phone call from Hoopoe, it's 9am! I'm worried! I make the call! To my relief, Hoopoe is fit as a fiddle, but, the fear about his low BP in my subconscious mind, did take a toll on me. I was unable to sleep at night and even in the morning was finding it difficult to breathe! I couldn't stop myself, and I broke into tears when speaking to Hoopoe! However, he had to leave for his course, hence, couldn't continue his conversation with me!

A phone call during his tea break, and I was suprised, when he began to sing to me one of our favourites from Elvis Presley, just when I said a 'Hello':

Wise men say, only fools rush in
But, I can't help 
Falling in love with you!

Ohh! This certainly made me feel a thousand times better! Thank you darling!

He enjoys when I sing to him "From this moment" by Shania Twain and "I wanna grow old with you" by Adam Sandler.

We both are bathroom singers, but, that certainly doesn't stop me from teasing my Hoopoe, to sing for me "I wanna grow old with you" on our Wedding Day!

Our Simple Valentine’s Day!

Hoopoe will be home for the weekend, a special weekend cause Sunday is Valentine’s Day. I put on my thinking cap to do my simple best; what better way than to cook up food for him (Hoopoe enjoys cooking and makes real tasty stuff; however, he relishes the food when I cook for him). So, I begin with my cooking well in advance.

I made prawn preserve and bombil chutney for Hoopoe to take along with him (which he left behind), noodles for Friday evening; Kulfi, Choco Lava Cake for Saturday; Prawns Biryani, Prawn Koliwada for Sunday.  Sunday evening, we ordered food for the family and had some lovely Kala Jamun and Malai sandwich for dessert.

Now this apart, what did Hoopoe do for me? Well, he traveled a long distance to spend time with me. Although, his exams are fast approaching, he gave me a lot of his time, just to make me feel special. He made a hugeeeeeee card for me which took a considerable chunk of his studying time and filled it with words that touched me! Also, he gifted me with a book, “Chicken Soup for the Indian Romantic Soul”. He couldn’t get the books I wanted, so he settled for this. I really appreciate the time he takes to understand what I need and if I am okay with it.

This weekend, I realized, the small little things that he does for me, which, over a period of time has become an action of deep and true love for me. Else, how does one explain, that, although, we ain’t married and I live with my family, Hoopoe does all of the following for me?
Each morning, when, he is at my home, he is up first to greet me and wish me a pleasant day. He spoils me by making my bedding.
He cooks the morning breakfast for us, which is Porridge.
During the day, he will remind me about my tablets and the exercise that I need to do, to keep my pain under control. Mostly, he does my simple exercises along with me to keep me company.
He asks me if I need anything to eat or if I am hungry during the entire day.
He stresses on me sleeping at noon, because I need loads of rest for my recovery.
He helps me with my acupressure treatment.
He asks me if there is anything he can do for me, like applying cream, especially, when I’m hurting.
He cheers me up whenever I’m low.
At night, when I sleep, he never forgets to cover me with the bed sheets and have the last talk with me!

I truly feel special!

This Valentine’s day, we spent at home in each other’s company; tickling each other, laughing, dancing, cuddling up, talking sweet nothings, looking into each other’s eyes and simply hugging each other.

The day was not elaborate, however, it was simple, romantic and filled with lots of love; enough to make me realize what true love is and how Blessed I am to have an Angelic Hoopoe with me!

I love you my Hoopoe, and I thank you for being a part of me and my life. I thank you for all the thankless little things that you do for me with the brightest smile and the greatest cheer. I feel loved darling, and time and again, you make me realize that this life is to be lived to the fullest, no matter the kind of constraints that surround you.

Love, again I tell you that the wait to our Marriage gets harder each time you leave and go.

- Sweetness

Marriage Preparation Course II

A book named “Creative Love”, co-authored by Fr. Cajetan Menezes, Mrs. Judy Mendonsa and Dr. Kiran Coelho is brought out by the Snehalaya Family Centre Cell. All participants attending the MPC are given a copy and encouraged to read the same. The book covers the varied dimensions of Marriage and its true meaning, especially in the light of the Catholic Faith. Answers to a number of questions that covers the practical, emotional, intimate and sexual issues connected with Marriage. Explanation of the technique of Creative Natural Family Planning (CNFP) with needed diagrams and charts, as well as, explanation of the fertility cycle of both the sexes. It also has a couple of exercises to know better about yourself, and your relationship. The book makes a good and informative read. It certainly projects not only the Holiness, but also, the true meaning, pleasure and privilege of entering into such a Blessed marital bond.

At the MPC, we were asked to bring with us a notebook, a pen, and the book on Creative Love. The facilitators supplied us with a file, and material containing the pointers of the various sessions that were held. Evaluation of the sessions were conducted at the end of the course. During the period of the course, there were a couple of group discussions with and without one’s partner within the same group; discussions with one’s partner; and individual assessments as well with regards to the meaning of love, marriage, how much we know about ourselves and our partner etc. Handouts were given, as well as a couple of thought provoking audio visuals were shown.

A sheet containing 85 points, which needs to be discussed with one’s partner was also handed over. The participants were requested to cover those points before their marriage. Many of the points mentioned, pertain to the norms of the Indian society, which, if not dealt with, affects the relationship of a couple, especially, those living within Joint families.

The MPC, in the truest sense of the word made Hoopoe and I fall all the more in love with each other. It took our relationship to another level. We literally felt Blessed and made for each other kinds. Every session conducted during the course, helped us not only to understand the other better, but also, understand meaning of marriage in totality.

At the end of the course, and to this date we wish to attend many of the Marriage Enrichment Programs conducted by them. For us, it wasn’t just a course, but, more of an experience and a journey.

And how can I forget, the love songs that were played during every break, which made the atmosphere even more romantic! The hall abounded in love and positivity! That was definitely one of those times, where, Hoopoe and I just couldn’t let go off each other, we constantly wanted the other to be within our frame of vision.

What I totally appreciated was the announcement made at the start of the course:
“Being a part of this course with your partner doesn’t mean you need to go ahead with your marriage, but, rather, an eye opener about your partner, and your compatibility. If you find that there are too many issues and differences, then sort them out before you walk down the aisle, or, if there is absolutely no common ground, it would be better to go your separate ways!”

Valentine's day

The long awaited day has arrived,
Week long preparations to make you feel loved and special.
Not the way I hoped for it to be,
But, my humble attempt at doing the best that I can!

It would be a dream to stay awake with you till the midnight hour,
Welcoming the day while we are basking in our love, in our own tower,
However, both of us need to sleep,
As our bodies have a different love language to keep!

I wait for the day when I will wake up with a kiss, at dawn
And see the sky brighten up as I laze in your arms on the lawn,
Hear the birds sing as I look into your eyes,
And hear your heartbeat when my heart wishes to cry!

Ohh!! My desires are soooo many!!
Love, tell me when will they come to pass?
These simple joys that make life pleasurable,
I yearn for them my darling, at all times desirable!

I pray that Jesus answer's our prayer!

Let this Valentine day mark that special love,
Which we have cherished with the greatest regard,
As we continue making it grow for eternity,
Let our love be our final Destiny!

- Sweetness

Marriage Preparation Course (MPC) I

Hoopoe and I completed our marriage preparation course more than a month and a half ago. It was one of the most beautiful experiences that we have had together as a couple. We can proudly say that we took back with us about 95% of the matter that was presented during the course; held over a period of two days. The reason we could relate to it was, because, I was part of a personal and spiritual development group for nearly two years, conducted by a priest of our parish, now, a close friend of ours. We will call this priest Fr. Deepak. I will cover the activities of our group, and, how it has helped me/us, in some other post.

Hoopoe and I, attended the non-residential MPC course conducted by the team from the Snehalaya Family Centre, held over the weekend. For the course, we were quite a number, 177 in all; the couples were in a majority (of the Catholic faith, interfaith, as well as, a couple from a completely different faith) and a few singles, whose partners were probably residing in a different country.

The facilitators from the Snehalaya team were very good. They knew their matter well, and could give concrete examples, as most of them were experienced with counselling couples. Fr. Cajetan Menezes, the director of Snehalaya Family Centre is simply amazing; lucid speech, very clear about the message he has to convey, zero frills and fancies to his speech, hits the nail straight into the head and quite humourous too. The same can be said about the couple facilitator, Judy and William Mendonsa. There was also Fr. John, who was explaining the Canon Law’s take on marriage, hats off to this priest, he certainly had the attention of the entire group, although, it was Law that he was talking about. Felt informed after his session. Also, there was a deacon who spoke about marriage being a “Covenant”. Then, there was Dr. Kiran Coelho, who gave a gist about the male and female reproductive system, explained the Creative Natural Family Planning (CNFP) technique, and, the various hazards involved with contraception and polygamy.

In the following posts, we will write about a few of the many topics covered, the highlight for us as a couple, and, we will share with you how we felt about the same.

Following is the link to website of the Snehalaya Family Centre, Mumbai.

http://www.snehalaya.in/

Valentine Special!

Fourteenth February is Valentine's day, so they say!
A universal day when love is celebrated the world over.
A day, on which most wish to spend time with their special someone!

True! For us, every day is Valentine's day!
However, it's been four years, and not one of these universal days, we were together!
Let this year be different...
When the earth spins around with love floating around the globe,
Let us celebrate our love for each other!

How do I make this day special for you, I think?!
You asked for a card and a cake
Both of which, I plan to make....
But, what can I say or do to make you feel YOU?!
.
.
.
.
.
Love, expressed through words is the best I can do!

My Hoopoe, my Gundu, I love you,
Because you are simply you!
Your twinkling eyes, your infinite watt' ed smile,
Speaks tons about your heart that beats within me.

My darling, I miss you, yet, I feel your presence too!
I miss your touch, your teddy bear hug,
The grasp of your hand,
And the love pouring out from your eyes!

I always wish to listen and speak to your heart the way I do,
When you are away, let the moon always reflect you
And ofcourse, let Jesus always be an integral part of our love!

Waiting to spend these special moments with you my love!
Want to drown in your eyes and experience the stillness and calm of life!
I love you my darling...
You are mine for eternity...

- Sweetness

Solving numerical and Studying law with Hoopoe

One of our common dreams is to work on a project which involves both of us; this seems to be becoming a reality; not the kind that we had dreamt about, but, for the start, it works for both of us. We made a start to this dream of ours with something simple and beautiful like blogging, as a couple; contributing towards the same blog is a whole new different feeling as compared to maintaining individual blogs. The feeling of “ours” is simply beautiful!

These common desires, that both of us share, have always prompted us to take interest in not only each other hobbies, but also, various activities; it certainly wasn’t easy at the start, because, there were quite a few things that either one of us was totally disinterested in, but, with perseverance, today, the act of participating in the other’s interest has become second nature to us. We always feel the need of knowing how the other is progressing in their given activity.

So, Blessed with this nature as well as the want to continue learning, I found it difficult to keep to myself, with Hoopoe being busy with his coursework. I had to learn something from him; else, I would be restless. He suggested that we sit together and solve a couple of problems which he had planned for, over the weekend. I enjoyed every bit of it; learning new terms, knowing more about his profession, and in general feeling refreshed with a different kind of information!

Well, how could I stop at that! He was surrounded by some thick books, and well, I had to try my hand at that too. So, Hoopoe, happily suggests some sections of law which he needs to learn; himself, being in no mood to understand what was stated, he found it a better option, to have me read the matter and paraphrase it for him. Guess what! I loved doing that too!

Don’t you think it’s a great joy to have dreams coming true, even if it means, in small little ways?

It certainly feels like “Hoopoe the Archangel” has walked into my life to make my dreams a reality… WOWWW !!!

Thank you my darling!

- Sweetness

Things that money cannot buy

Valentines Day is approaching and I can feel that Sweetness is cooking something special for me. It’s difficult for Sweetness to cook, infact it’s extremely taxing for her, but she still does it for me. When I ask her how she manages the pain, all she says is “Love.” It’s now dawned upon me that love is the best analgesic and I learnt it from my beloved.
Sweetness asked me, what I want for Valentines Day and I said “I want a card”. Now the cards of Sweetness are special because she does not believe in buying cards for me, she always makes them on her own. From the time we first met, to this day, every card I received from her is hand made by her and that makes it more valuable than anything money could ever buy. These cards are so precious to me, that I carry them wherever I go and that is why, even now, although I am not at home, I still have got them and have decided to post photographs of some of them. I’m anxious to know, how my Valentines Day card will look like, but I know it will be much better than what I can even imagine. One reason is the warmth of the words that she puts in, it makes me feel so special and so loved that I feel totally humbled by them.
I am one lazy Hoopoe, other than making a few animations during our initial courtship day’s, I have not made anything for her, but rather resorted to buy over the counter gifts. Will this year be different? After all this is our first Valentines Day since we met, four years ago. I am excited to just be with her and I hope my creative juices really flow before the 14th to make her day really special.

I Love you Sweetness

-Hoopoe

Is it just with Hoopoe OR Are men in general the same?

I enjoy having Hoopoe over the weekends because, that is our time together, for fun, laughter, treats and entertainment!

The last weekend was not very different. However, Hoopoe had to get done with some internet stuff for the rental place that he was staying at. He needed certain documents, which, my ma handed over to him and went about with her work.

Five minutes later, I find Hoopoe hunting high and low for something that just seems to have got lost! I asked him what it was, that he was looking for; he said, “The papers given by ma to me”. I told him that he must have put it in his bag. He said, “No’’! I insisted that he should recheck, but, no, he continues searching for the document! Known for my lack of patience, in irritation, I nearly commanded him to check his bag; finally, he gives in…. And there he finds the document close to another one in the book!!!!

Later on, I find him putting money of a high denomination into the pocket of his t-shirt. The t-shirt was not very transparent, but, one could clearly see the denomination of the notes through the t-shirt. So, I tell Hoopoe, “I can see the money right through”. And what does my man do?......  He looks at me with a confused expression, takes out his wallet from the pant pocket, looks at his wallet, looks at me again and asks me, “Baby, how can you see the money through this wallet?!?!?!?!?!?!”

Of course, now I laugh thinking about it, but back then, I was already irritated. So, in frustration, I tell him to turn around and look at himself in the mirror. That’s when he notices the money in his t-shirt pocket and realizes what I was speaking about. He says, “Oh!!!! This Money!!!!!”

My Hoopoe just keeps getting better with his absent mindedness, what say Hoopoe?

- Sweetness

Hoopoe’s passion for Photography! (Or Madness!)

I have come to conclude, that, a woman always faces some kind of competition with regards to the attention she gets from her beau. Speaking about mine; Hoopoe cannot resist the Newspaper, his blog world and Photography. As far as newspaper and blogging goes, I can’t say much, because, that was a pre-determined personal space made known to me quite some time ago. So, that leaves us with photography.

Hoopoe is very passionate about photography. He feels, that, in every photograph, he creates an image of his vision of the world (I truly agree!), may it be a bird, scenery, a child etc. I must admit, that, he has nearly created a portfolio of photographs for my two little nieces.

Speaking about Hoopoe’s passion for photography, I remember a couple of incidents that I wish to share.

We were together at a rocky beach, Anjuna, in Goa, sitting on a rock, on the sands, waiting for the sunset, watching the waves splashing against the rocks, and, enjoying the cool breeze. The particular spot that we were at was quite lonely; other than us, there was another couple, and far off, we could see a small group of friends. We were having a great time, capturing photographs of each other, laughing and simply feeling blessed…..when, all of a sudden! My Hoopoe, hears the chirp of a bird on a tree nearby!!!!…. And that was it!!!! That ended our little stint of romance on the beach!

Hoopoe wanted to photograph the bird, he assumed it would take him no longer than 5 minutes. But, guess what! The little bird had a better plan and kept dodging Hoopoe!
Result: My guy spent 20 minutes or so photographing the tiny chap!  I was left to choose between observing the cute couple romancing with each other, knowing that my beau is busy romancing the feathered species, or continue watching the vast sea!
How unkind can he be!

If that isn't enough, then here is another..

On the same trip, but, on some other day, we were driving down to a waterfall (which doesn’t exist any longer, infact, it is literally non existent since a real long time!) in scorching hot sun; we were passing through fields and crossed a marshy area, when suddenly the car comes to a halt, and, I find Hoopoe hopping off with his camera in hand.

I turned to look where he is headed to, and trust me....... all I could see was an empty barren marshy land!!!! I simply assumed, that, he wished to diversify within the field of photography, probably, documenting the texture of soils in different areas!! Yes, I know how dumb I can be!!
Back in the car; I was suprised at photographs of the birds; birds that he had spotted on the “so called empty stretch”!!!!! I turned around again to look at the birds present… And yet again to no avail, I didn’t spot a single one!!!!!!!!

If that wasn’t enough, then, while returning home, on the very same day, Hoopoe decides to just better the spots at which he halts the car to photograph the delights of his heart.

In Goa, you have to drive through narrow lanes to get to many places around. If not familiar with such kind of drives, one literally begins to hyperventilate; as soon as, one spots a bigger speeding vehicle coming from the opposite end.

So, here we were, driving down home, and surprisingly, Hoopoe halted the car just short of a board; in red, which read, “Accident zone, Drive safely”!!!!! I wondered what was wrong! To my horror, I find my hero out of the car; capturing a picture of the bird that is swaying happily on the electric line!
If that wasn’t enough of a shocker….right then, I see a bus coming from the opposite side….. and….. it just whizzed past me! That was it! I couldn’t take more of this rubbish! I wasn’t ready to lay down my life for the kind of high that he was experiencing with these feathered species! I rolled down the glass of the window, and yelled at him to take me home!
Well, that was the only one time, when Hoopoe didn’t think of photography any further (just for that day, in case you are mistaken) and we drove in silence to our destination.

Right!! And all this while, you were thinking that he was a man without flaws!!!!! NOOOO!! You will learn more about his idiotic behaviour in the coming posts.

- Sweetness

Mute Swans

The image of Swans behind the blog title was captured by Hoopoe around the same time last year, on one of his trips to UK.

It was a very difficult phase that we were going through. Hoopoe, spoke to his parents about our relationship with each other, and they were completely against it. I understand their feelings towards the situation, and since, I am not in the best of health, they are of the opinion that, Hoopoe will be ruining his life if he chooses to lead his life with me.

Well, the situation hasn’t improved much since then; however, Hoopoe has become stronger and more determined about his decision of choosing me as his life partner. The scars and hurt of the trauma are still prevalent; I haven't as yet got emotional closure towards all that pain, and I do breakdown at regular intervals, but, Hoopoe is now present to listen and soothe me.

When I was emotionally distraught, it was then, that, my Hoopoe sent this picture to me with the words, “Good morning Sweety pie, this picture reminds me a lot about us. I had plans of writing words within the heart shape, but, did not want to spoil the beauty of the picture. I love u darling”.

Bedroom Nights

This is my first post for our blog and I am a bit nervous as I go about typing this post; it’s not that I am blogging for the first time, but, it’s my command over the language that is making me nervous.
Sweetness is better than me, so, as I type beside her posts, I feel like a kindergarten kid writing footnotes to Shakespeare’s  plays. Therefore, please forgive me on this front, because language is not my cup of tea ( but thankfully, I can  still maintain my freedom of expression!) .

My relationship with Sweetness has helped me to grow up in an emotional way. Although, I was growing in size and intellectually, it is only after I met sweetness at the age of 26, four years ago, that, I began growing emotionally and spiritually too. For most part of these four years, our relationship has been a long distance one (LDR) and obviously we have spent a lot of time on the telephone, chats and e-mails. Currently, I spend my weekends with Sweetness, while the weekdays are spent with her over the phone. We spoke and continue to speak a lot over the phone; we have had a lot of conflicts and issues with regards to this too. However, the one that occurred last night is a classic.

For Sweetness, and now for me too, the most romantic time to speak over the phone is just before we could retire to sleep; lying in our beds with the lights off, after about 10 PM. Unfortunately, for me, this ambience is also a call to fall asleep! No matter how good and loved I feel, my brain simply refuses to listen to my heart. Unlike Sweetness, I can fall asleep within a minute of my head hitting the pillow; this has caused a lot of heartache to Sweetness, because she misses out on the romantic talk.

Last night was no different, history repeated itself; I was struggling to stay awake and speak romantically too, both at the same time. Sweetness realizes my dilemma, and asks me to sit up, stand, walk around etc. After having done that, and back in bed, it’s not only hard to get up again, but also, my sleep dutifully returns back in a much greater intensity than before. The worst of all is me trying to explain to Sweetness, certain phrases that are irrelevant to the conversation we are having, that have cropped up because, I  blurted them out while dozing off to sleep.

An example of our late night conversation:
Sweetness : “ How much do you love me?”
Me: “Lots”
Sweetness: “ How much is lots?”
Me: “From one end of …… the.. “Terrace is falling” universe..”

Now, for the next painful 5 minutes which seem like an hour, I have to explain to her, why did I make a  mention of the words “Terrace is falling” ( which of course I said in my 1 sec long sleep!!!!!)???

Although, I tell sweetness, that, I want to sleep; she simply can let go off me and pushes me to spend that extra few minutes with her. Now, it so happens that my brain too is pushing hard on the sleep throttle and simply stops processing any information coming to it. Well, how do I describe this to Sweetness?!?!?!?!

Llike love, sleep too has no units that can be measured, however, I wish some one had devised a way to measure it. Sweetness does relent to my sleepy head with a heavy heart, a feeling of little hurt and lots of “MISSINGS” . Now, I don't know if this is good or bad, but, for that period of time, my brain blocks all emotions and processes it only the next day!


Next Morning 7 AM:  I dial Sweetness' number, the phone rings... she attends it..
Sweetness: “ Hello (in a sullen note)”
Me: “ Sorry Baby…”
Sweetness : “Hmmmmm”

-Hoopoe

Eating habits… yup, mine is a disorder!

I don’t seem to understand how both my mother and Hoopoe gobble down their food without chewing it! Their action of putting food into their mouth is continuous, there isn’t any chewing time. However, my ma still takes some reasonable amount of time to finish off her food, but, Hoopoe finishes off his meal in five minutes flat, which would include second and third helpings too. You think I’m exaggerating!!!!!! Heck... No!!!!!!

I find it more appropriate to look at him eating his food, and then start with mine; else, when eating with him, I feel I’m slower than the slowest eating mammal existing on this planet! Contrary to my Hoopoe, I take one whole hour and a half to get done with my breakfast. I know that’s too much off time!

Well, I would like to believe that I have shrunken intestines, which make eating a little difficult for me. I have kept myself starving during my college education, repercussions of the same which I continue facing. You see, I weigh just 39 kgs (I know I’m terribly underweight) and, trying my best to eat well, so as to increase my weight. Now, that I feel I’m eating well, they say, I have a liver which is not functioning to its capacity, making assimilation of food difficult!! What am I supposed to do!!

Gosh!!! I tire of listening to the same thing all the time... “You have to eat well to get well, you need muscle strength to get your limbs moving”.

You can just about imagine the contrast, him; tall and plump at 86kgs, while me; short and skinny!

But that’s us! Hoopoe (my sack) and Sweetness!

- Sweetness

Restless day

January to April are very busy months for Hoopoe, he has certain courses and exams to answer for a promotion in his rank. The last Tuesday, he had a holiday and hence, he decided to drive down to my place to spend some quality time with me. I wasn’t in favour of the idea, because it’s a long and tiring drive, and I wanted him to get enough of rest, since he had driven for a long distance on Monday.

Hoopoe, tells me that he wouldn’t be staying at home; if he isn’t meeting up with me, then he would be catching up with one of his female friends (or should I say acquaintance) if and only if I would be comfortable with him doing so.

Well, there were certain considerations for me which I of course made known to him:
1.    I wanted him to use only public transport and not the car, because it is my space.
2.    Since, I am unable to physically achieve the many simple activities which he and I would like to; there could be a chance of some kind of attraction that he develops for her, which may cause a slip in our relationship. As long as he is aware of this possibility, he will be cautious in his interactions with people of the opposite sex.
3.    Also, I was not very keen on the meeting, because, I really don’t see much of a future in that friendship (although, I know, I should be no judge). The point is that, he has met her only once in his life, and this would be the second time. They are rarely in touch and became friends with her around the same time; he and I were getting to know each other.

As much as all of this was on my mind, there was “trust” that was the ruling factor. More so, I had to respect his need or want of making female friends (he has schooled in an all boys school, his college years too with guys, his work environment too, he is surrounded with guys; over and above, his only other sibling happens to be a brother), and I totally understand that. Also, there is a possibility which he has acknowledged, that I (Sweetness) am more close to guys than females, which maybe prompting him to befriend females. So, I was all okay on that front; we had a long chat about the same and I was good.

However, when the time came, and Hoopoe left from home, and, traveled quite a bit to meet up with her, I was totally restless. I couldn’t understand why I was so anxious! I thought that they would meet up for about 2 to 3 hours, but, didn’t quite expect them to spend more than 5 hours with each other; that seemed a little too much for me.

Hmmmm…Well, the issue that was actually troubling me was, that, I was unable to do the same things as comfortably as she did.

He called me up when he was with her to tell me that he loved and missed me, but, somehow, I couldn’t relate to it and didn’t respond back. Immediately, when he left for home, he called me up to find out how I was, and, recounted all that they did and spoke.. And as you would rightly guess, I showed zero interest. He told me many times, that by the way I’m responding, he felt that he shouldn’t have gone and met up with her, because I don’t seem very comfortable with it.

Anyway, when he reached home, and before retiring to sleep, we spoke to each other for a very long time, and, I was not very responsive, which was hurting him. He told me that the place was beautiful and that I would love it, and he wants to take me there. He kept reassuring me that he will help me to get well, and that, I am capable enough to go out on such drives or outings with him; that I need not be so hard on myself. He respects the limitations that I have, and chooses activities or places which are okay with me. Even after him having said all of this, I kind of was simply upset, not understanding what’s wrong with me.

We ended the conversation on a very low note, and I wished him goodnight. We generally do not address each other by our names, unless when angry. So he told me, that he wished that I didn’t call out his name, instead, used an endearing term, at least when ending for the day.

Believe me or not, that’s all it took to make me feel better!!!!! I felt, I was totally madly in love with him all over again! I felt I meant something to him; it was this idle/ insecure mind playing games. Also, I realized, I love to be pampered by him, and never tire of knowing from him that he loves me, and I mean everything to him!

So, as you see, I can be a total idiot; small little innocent things can really upset me a great deal. But, a good thing is that, I have learnt to figure out those issues and deal with them objectively.

Thank you Lord. You have gifted me with such an Angel.

I love you my Hoopoe and once again, I'm truly sorry.

- Sweetness